Real Men; One Man's Opinion - Trip Williams

          When Dara asked me to write this for the newsletter, I had to admit to myself, that I wasn’t sure I really heard her correctly, or knew what that was?   All the way home from the meeting I was lost in thought and contemplating what exactly should I say!  Now reclining in my wicker-backed office chair and listening to the melodious tunes of Nora Jones, I was hit by an epiphany; or rather slapped up-side the head was more like it!  What was I doing?  Unceremoniously ejecting Nora, I tore off my shirt exposing my tanned and ripped upper torso [at least in my mind it’s that way], slammed-in the sound track for Top Gun and turned up the base.  Now…, I can sit back in my chair with the heart defibrillating wine of jet engines starting to real men’s music.

            Looking down at the epitome of mans stoic visage of power and masculinity I realized something; Gravity had taken over!  I couldn’t see my belt buckle.  Oh well!  I guess this take, on reality won’t work for my introspective.  So…, I guess I might as well begin with the meat and potatoes of it all.  Men… are not like woman!  Take apart the fabric, the essence, the chemical, physiological and biological make-up and you still have a very different person.    As writers, you women need to know this.  We are not like you.  You may have already guessed this one but, I had to make sure.

            So, what is a real man?  If you look back in time, you will find the outer shell of what a man is, as we have taken on the various rolls dictated by the social and moral compass.  But this is not who we are either.  Now don’t look to me as a norm or this will get you into trouble.  I’m wired very different.  Let’s face it – I write romance!  So let us look deeper into the male psyche shall we?  Fundamentally, we think differently.  There are a few different types of men and I think that we need to explore this for a moment.

We can be categorized into about three areas.  Pro-magna man, average Joe and…, well the ones with the feminine side kicking in.  Let us begin with understanding a man’s reaction to something he doesn’t like.  We’ll get to the other stuff in a moment.  With Pro-magna, say the wrong thing and he goes to fists; no discussion.  He’s about beer, boobs and sports.  The average Joe will have words or a discussion with temperance of hostility but will work it out with a beer and the last man will - I don’t know - go off in the corner and sulk?  But he will let it go and have a glass of wine with you!  Now a woman – wow - bad news!  Just watch the e-mails fly!  They will practically hold discussion groups about it!  Sorry, I was distracted there a bit.  Reflection on my daughter and family I guess.

Men have basic needs.  Attract women, have sex and let the women provide for them.  Okay, that’s the lion family.  Really, we do want to do that part.  You know, provide.  It’s a pride thing I guess.  In saying that, the sex part, we think about it all the time.  It drives us as a species.  No kidding!  I believe it was documented that we think about it once every three minutes.  I must be getting old because I’m up to seven minutes.  How often do women think about it?  Once every three days, if that? 

Now comes the other stuff.  As a man, we do care about the little things when it comes to who we are and what makes us who we are.  We want to be masculine.  We groom ourselves and take care to make sure that we look good for you women.  We do preen ourselves for you and try to smell good.  How we do this is based on our perception of ourselves and this is formed over time as we grow up.  This is important.  All men have a formed idea of who they are based upon roll models from when we were kids.  A police-man, fire-man, cowboy, soldier, a dad, etc.  From this, we base our lives and our standards that guide us as men and how we conduct ourselves with women and events in our lives.

That said, how does this apply to writing?  We all need characters whether they are the sideline fillers, the next novels main star or this stories hero.  What makes up a hero?  Let’s face it; Mr. pro-magna doesn’t cut the mustard does he?  After all, he’s a bit too brutish for what we all need.  Now take average Joe.  A man of the 90’s who is form fitted into the new millennia and sensitive to women’s needs and… he has some sense of style.  He cares about how he looks for his girl.  When called upon, he will let her dress him, after all, we seldom have true taste and surely can’t do that properly, but -  he will in turn, be attentive to her needs as well as being mindful of his roll by her side.   He is courageous in the eye of adversity and will gallantly defend her to the death.  Make no mistake; a man will die for a woman.  A man who truly believes, as I do, that a woman is someone to worship, admire and protect, will do just that.  No man should dare speak ill of his gal if he doesn’t want to fire up that boiler.  It will blow! 

Now the man on the opposite side of Mr. “P”, he will not always stand up for the same values but we are not talking about the norm here.  That doesn’t make him less of a man or at times not a hero; he is far more diplomatic and eloquent is all but, will look to other avenues to find a resolve.   Over time, and through history, we have always been the same.  We couldn’t express ourselves in the same way as we can now but we have thought and believed in the same values.  Expression was different, that’s all.  Social constraints – we all have them and most live by them.

So, where does this little blithering lead you?  Hopefully to a better understanding of what a real man is.  We can’t be everything in one package and I guess, that is the short line of it all.  So building a man in your novel has to be formed on a basis that supports who real men are.  Unless men don’t read this stuff and therefore you can build whatever you like!  How does your man fit into these categories?  Does he pay attention to the little things that you do, like the way you whisk your hair out of your eye when you find yourself engaged in a stimulating conversation?  Or the way that you pull at your ear when you’re nervous?  Is he even house broke?  Little things that help bring in a grounded reality.

In retrospect I guess, I find that I now have to ask myself that very same simple question.  Am I a real man?  Hell no!  I’m Bond, James Bond!

Trip...